Ryleigh showed me the true meaning of a mother’s love and grief wrapped up in one. We had the healthiest of pregnancies, but at 40 weeks and 4 days, I was told his heart had stopped beating. I was 19 years old.

I delivered him naturally on December 4th, 2013, at 14:54pm. He weighed 7lb 12oz, was 52cm long, and had the most jet-black curly hair I had ever seen on a baby. He was actually perfect. He had the cutest little nose, the most beautiful mouth, and his skin was so soft. Having him placed upon me was the greatest feeling in the world—but no words can ever express how hard it was, holding your baby that you’ll never take home.

Losing my firstborn child due to an unexplained stillbirth is something that still, to this day, hits a nerve I didn’t even know existed. Nothing and no one can ever prepare you for that kind of heartbreak. But Ryleigh made me a mother—a special kind of mother. A mother of an angel.

When I found out I was expecting my Rainbow Baby, I was petrified. I needed and wanted another baby to help fill my aching arms, but I was so, so scared I’d lose another baby. I couldn’t get excited. I wanted to—more than people realise—but I was numb. I felt detached from my baby.

That was until I heard her heartbeat at one of my sonograms. Hearing a strong, healthy heartbeat was what my heart needed. Was I still scared? Oh, without a doubt. But I could finally begin to imagine a future with a living child. A sibling for the best big brother in heaven. A chance to finally be an earthside mummy—to buy things for her, to picture life with a child in my arms.

But it also felt bittersweet, because a part of me felt guilty for ‘moving on’ and sharing my heart with another child. But deep down, I knew Ryleigh sent her to me to help piece my broken heart back together, bit by bit.

Having my Rainbow Babies photographed by Baby Art Studios has meant more to me than words can describe. Seeing someone handle my precious rainbow babies with such care and grace is something I’ll never forget. Moments fly by so quickly, and knowing that I can pause time with a heartfelt photograph—that means everything.

Years later, I’ve gone on to have my two other babies photographed by Baby Art Studios. They know us so well that they are able to capture our full family unit—including Ryleigh. It’s never too much trouble to include a photograph of him, or my children’s special ‘Ryleigh Bear’.

To other parents who have experienced loss and are now expecting, or who have had their own Rainbow Baby, I just want to say this:

💛 It’s okay to feel whatever emotion is sitting on your chest.

💛 There is no right or wrong way to grieve while raising another child.

💛 Be kind to yourself. Be prepared for the good days, and soak them in.

💛 Understand you’ll have bad days, and that’s okay too. Just be patient.

💛 Allow someone to support you and your Rainbow Baby when you need it.

And most importantly—always speak your angel’s name around your Rainbow Baby.

For me, The Rainbow Baby Project brings comfort. It brings joy. It brings healing that, even years later, I still need.

When I had Ryleigh, I didn’t even know the term ‘Rainbow Baby’ existed. It wasn’t until later that I discovered its meaning—and the idea of my children being connected in some way through this word, this beautiful symbol of hope, brought me so much comfort.

These stories matter. People are afraid to speak out, but they shouldn’t be. Grief isn’t something to hide. Everyone experiences loss in their life, but not everyone will go through the death of a child. For those of us who do, we shouldn’t be made to feel like we can’t say our child’s name, like we can’t share our story.

I am proud of my boy, Ryleigh. He shaped me. He taught me to be grateful, to appreciate the small things in life, to love deeply.

My boy may have been StillBorn, but he was still born. ❤️Divider